Good Quotes

Western Gradallia Campaign

“They had a pet landshark.” “Pet?” “Well if you call eating them a pet.” — Jander’s thoughts on goblins keeping a Bulette.

“Well it was eating them. They had to feed it something.” — Jander on Bulettes

“When was the last Orcish census taken and is it available to us?” — Finlarethel

“Scream if you die.” — Warning to people entering giant bee hive.

“Royalty! Sure beats fighting Orcs.” — Finlarethel on Naj Robel’s marriage to a fairy princess.

“You’re going to need to get another bulette for that.” — Finlarethel

“It’s called a super-laxative. Oh, there’s my heart.” — Finlarethel on the idea of eating a mushroom that just attacked the party.

“Let’s get stabby!” — Finlarethel

“Frankly, these two are holding me back.” — Finlarethel on sneaking out of a Gnoll village.

“Before you sing a song, take a look at the coup de grace rules and remember who watches you at night.” — Jake on walking along and singing a song.

“And no, I don’t do that with strange bears I meet in the wilds.” — Finlarethel after sticking his head into the mouth of Maddwyn as a bear.

“Well my boy. It looks like your way is clear.” — Maddwyn to Jander about Wendy.

“You don’t want to go up there and see what he’s doing with little dwarven girls.” — Finlarethel about Azreil.

“Hey, you abandoned me to a dryad! Come over here. Let’s fix you up. Spare no expense!” — Maddwyn to a wounded Finlarethel.

“So I got an armful of Devil” —Maddwyn on grappling one.

“New Policy. Two people awake at all times!” —Azreil

“[The glaive] poofed away when it died.” “Well these things poof.” — Erik

“Living amoung the undead. Only an idiot would do this. That’s why it’s the perfect plan.” — Azreil.

“Is it trapped?” — Azreil “You’re looking at the druid for this?” — Maddwyn

“I rolled a 1 on my spot, but I did spot the DM taking the Monster Manual out.” — Patrick.

“Cure minor wounds. It’s for precision healing.” — Maddwyn

“Can you do a subdual coup de grace?” — Jake

“Ah well, he doesn’t even have a painted miniature.” — Jake on why a villain doesn’t have a hero point.

“We’re trying to create a job opening here.” — Finlarethel about calling to the other evil cultists for help in killing the leader.

“Let’s throw a rock at it!” — Tara about the “Magic Door”.

“I’ve never eaten wolf before, but I’m willing to try. We can cut off its tail when he’s not looking.” — Andrew

“Quick, let’s do some diplomacy while he’s out” — Finlarethel when Azreil gets paralyzed.

“Remember, Runner is the smart one in this pair” — Maddwyn.

“Nubile elf woman! You were mocking him” — Erik “Well, that’s my fault isn’t it.” - Michael

“One magic arrow left. I’m saving this for myself.” — Erik as to what Finley might say.

“There are no dwarves in this room!” — Erik after a long theory about the possibilities of dwarves of the past vs. wights of the future in the next room.

“They’re like trading cards. Got it, need it, got it, got it, need it. But for us its more like need it, need it, need it, need it” — Michael.

“The legend of crazy Azreil. Legends in tomes of this crazy half elf with raven hair and his zoo, and his adventures in time.” — Tara.

“I’m running with the theory that we’re going to destroy the Dwarven Empire. So as long as we don’t do it now, we’re fine.” — Finlarethel..

“Let’s get rid of this burn off finger ring. No wait, That’s a gag gift.” — Azreil on what to sell.

“The great d4 shortage of ‘88” — Patrick.

“The big bird is killed.” — Erik after the death of a Roc. “We’re going for that Oscar guy next.” — Patrick.

“The door! That early warning system.” — Cameron

“High roll gets to play him” — Cameron, on who plays Umbergris “Where’s my d4?” — Andrew

“That’s the plan.” — Cameron, firmly. “What’s the plan?” — Andrew

“So the man closes the vault door. Then he leaves and locks the other door. Beyond that you hear two other gates clang shut” — Erik “I think he’s done.” — Cameron

Summon Curried Flavored Nature’s Ally.” — Patrick concerning the lack of food available.

“We’re good but cruel.” — Tara about shoving her summoned creatures off into possible traps.

“As the druid of this valley, I’m against the wanton summoning of devils. Even though we kill them right away, and it’s a different time.” — Maddwyn

“What is your move silent?” — Erik “Did I say I was moving silently?” — Patrick

“Maybe its those beers that are affecting my dexterity, causing me to roll 1s.” — Andrew.”

“This isn’t even in the player’s guide.” — Michael about the Kingdom of Ice.

“Your god just slapped you!” — Maddwyn, after Zaard punches Finlarethel “You’ve been blessed.” — Azreil

“Somewhere out there, you have a friend” — Maddwyn after hearing about Anrath betrayer’s and their similarity to Azreil’s condition.

“Second verse, same as the first.” — Maddwyn theorizing that Shinta VIII is the same as Shinta I.

“Can we be taken to our cells now. We have some plotting to do.” — Maddwyn while being a prisoner and after several revelations.

“Get his autograph. It will be worth millions in our time.” — Maddwyn about Zaard

“Could you make it out to Maddwyn. And my sister Maddwyn. And my cousin Maddwyn.” — Maddwyn continuing with Zaard’s autograph.

“Congratulations on your new purchase. Instructions on how to take it out of the box.” — Theoretical contents of the operating manual for the Anvil of Time.

“Did you get the leather version or the cheap vinyl.” Andrew about Azreil purchase of a scroll organizer.

“We haven’t seen the surface in a long time.” — Azreil “Mmmm. Surface.” — Maddwyn

“Fermentation is a natural process. Druids are all in favor of it.” - Maddwyn

“Lick him to death. It does drowning damage” — Maddwyn to Runner

“We should try signing to him.” — Tara “What? He wants me to steal 3rd?” — Maddwyn.

“What year is it?” “Among my people it is the year of the snake.” — Patrick about how to answer an awkward question.

“We’re on a really bad calling plan. Only 100 minutes a day.” — Patrick about the tongues spell being only good for a limited amount during the day.

“My druid-dar goes off” — Patrick.

“Where I come from, druids are honored. Perhaps not as honored as they should be some days.” - Maddwyn

“And then I got blessed by a god, for mouthing back at her.” — Azreil.

“He’s a good story teller.” — Azreil on Jander “One might say a full of it storyteller.” — Erik

“What about the wolf.” - Erik as to what to do with Runner while Maddwyn is disguising himself as a bard. “[Finley’s] animal companion?” — Azreil “I was going to say my stage manager.” — Maddwyn

“If I see a deer, I’ll shoot it.” —Finley “Note to self. Don’t wildshape into a deer” —Maddwyn.

“Go for it! I’m right behind you.” — Finley to Azreil about jumping into the glacier lake. “I was right behind you. I didn’t say I was going in.” — Finley after.

“I take out a screaming arrow” Cameron “I’d use a +2 arrow. They’re cheaper.” - Andrew

“I need to make a obscene gesture. I could show my genitals, but that’s just rude.” - Azreil

“You kill our horses, we do grapples” — Michael countering the DM’s threat.

“The only time dogs can communicate is when someone’s fallen down a well.” — Maddwyn

“I’ve got cold protection, you’ve got fire protection. One of us is going to live.” — Maddwyn on Azreil’s new ring of fire resistance.

“He told us his name. We might as well use it.” — Azreil, referring to Gorgolorbaramamiatt

“It’s fine. It’s just a little bent.” — Maddwyn after Runner chewed on one of Finley’s arrows. “Well that tooth looks like a great arrowhead.” — Finley’s response.

“I have a feeling.” — Cameron “Feather sense tingling?” — Erik.

“Maddwyn tells runner to guard the bottom of the pit.” — Patrick. Later: “Runner quickly decides Finley isn’t attacking the bottom of the pit.” - Patrick

“The lantern is [way] back here, but the rope [near the front] is on fire. And so are the horses.” — Cameron trying to explain why there is enough light to see what is going on.

“A voice out of the empty air says “Your wisdom and mercy are an example to us all.” You know why it’s a voice out of thin air. Because Maddwyn isn’t there anymore.”

“There are two more up there like it. And the other one called you an amphibian.” — Maddwyn trying to convince a crocodile making off with a horse that it should leave him alone.

“I’m going up to attack [the dragon]” — Cameron “It will get a full attack on you.” — Erik “I’m hoping to put it down now.” Cameron. Everyone laughs.

“Maybe it’s a bowl of magic haircuts” — Tara about a magic bowl with the impression of a face within it.

“Three painful guys and one pretty nurse” — Andrew after everyone except Tara is hit by a Symbol of Pain.

“Hilarity ensues.” — Erik “Not just hilarity, but high jinks.” — Patrick. About the idea to impersonate Shinta, and then she shows up.

“Preferably sapphire, must be worth 1500gp, but go nuts.” — Tara to the jewelers who have been requested by the King to give her whatever she wants.

“Who’s doing the talking?” — Azreil to Finley, with the sudden realization that neither is any good at diplomacy.

“Tara is carrying our gold in trust. We assume she’ll give it back to us.” — Finley

“Hi! We’re here to distract you. Could you please come this way?” — Tara about a possible plan.

“An anonymous admirer has sent you this dwarf” — Patrick

“It’s twice since I got rid of the candles, that I’ve found I need them.” — Andrew

“What time is it?” — Finley while on the clock tower.

“I can command 17 hit die of horses. I just want the one.” — Patrick.

“In that case Abernathy. If there is a dragon chasing us, we had better be on our way.” — Maddwyn.

“Oh Fortitude. No problem! 15!” - Michael, “15, that doesn’t sound good” - Andrew, “No, that was elven sarcasm” — Michael

“It looks like a hotel room.” — Erik “A hotel room for time travelers.”- Cameron “Let’s steal the towels and go.” — Finley.

“I think we should go to the Gnoll encampment and get my rope back.” — Azreil. “What if they're using it?” — Tara. “So what if we have to beat up a few hundred gnolls.” — Azreil. “Ask politely first”— Maddwyn

“It's a matter of record. There are only sixteen sides to a cube.” — Azreil. Dead silence as everyone looks him. “Let me rephrase that.” — Azreil.

“Just what we want. A room full of hasted panicked people.” — Finlarethel

“This bear will be here on fleeing person duty.” — Maddwyn

“If only I had a candle to make a stopper.” — Finlarethel

“If it's not the right code, we'll take some DM out back.” — Cameron

“Why not ask the locals?” - Cameron. The local being a treant.

“So are you going to investigate?” — Erik. “Given all the reasons you've given. No. No. No. No.” — Cameron. “Has floating castle. Has incredibly powerful magical artifact. Um, yeah.” — Patrick.

“How about the rapier?” — Finlarethel. “It doesn't help me.” — Azreil. “But it looks good.” — Finlarethel

“I'm almost the worst person to try and heal someone.” Mime punching someone “Does it hurt when I do this?” — Azreil.

“None of us use a sword... except for Tara.” — Finlarethel, referring to the cursed sword that the sorceress is forced to use.

“Okay, so he doesn't get out of the Inn that night.” — Andrew about Finlarethel wheh he learns that there is a party going on there.

“I'm a perfectly normal bear.” — Maddwyn during a discussion of who looks the most freakish.

“They never put out their campfires.” — Maddwyn when he learns that his valley is crawling with adventurers.

“To be honest, we're not dead sure where we're going next.”

“[His speech pattern] is kind of annoying.” — Erik. “I'll roll for initiative.” — Patrick.

“I could have died... and come back as myself!” — Erik about Tara's attitude about a cleric joining the party.

“You're the most... No you're not.” — Cameron to Michael.

“As part of our initiation, everyone puts there face in this bowl...” — Azreil. “Hang on, Zone of Truth.” — Shaylayna.

”Don't you think we should have done this in town where the hospitals are nearby and the wizards are plentiful.” — Shaylayna.

“I love your [magic] shelter” — Azreil. “It's thanks to Imix that there is this shelter each night.” — Shaylayna. “Damn I knew there was a catch.” — Azreil. “Hand him a pamphlet.” — Maddwyn.

“Do you have any spells that require feathers?” — Shaylayna to Azreil.

“I don't know how that forest fire started.” — Shaylayna in the theoretical situation that she starts burning things. “Neither do I, but I know what I'm beating it out with.” — Maddwyn

“Oh man this thing is hideous... Nice monster by the way.” — Cameron.

“I say we burn this [tree] to the ground.” — Shaylayna referring to an Ironmaw that tried to eat the party. “Normally I would oppose, but I'll make an exception this time.” — Maddwyn

After being attacked by an IronMaw. “I thought you said you knew this valley.” — Shaylayna. “And I do. There's an Ironmaw. I remember it well.” — Maddwyn.

“Was that a pearl mine?” — Andrew about a mine in the middle of a desert.

“Steamy. He's the one always getting into trouble.” — Shaylayna.

“We can go to the light, where the DM has stuff prepared. Or we can stay here, where he'll probably just throw monsters at us for eight hours.” — Andrew

“I knew they were celestial griffons. I didn't know they were Chinese celestial griffons”. — Michael when purple worms eat the griffons, killing them and causing them to disappear.

“I can just see that purple worm with magma drooling out of its mouth.” — Andrew on the thought of a purple worm eating a mephit that can turn into a puddle of lava.

“Are you going to put up with that, the delicate flower that you are?” — Erik to Tara

“Have we encountered a lich?” — Cam “If you have to ask, then 'No'.” — Erik

“I think you are abusing my traps here.” — Erik. “But we're having fun.” — Andrew.

“What would [the mephits] do if they lost contact?” “Continue following orders?” “Who said they were following orders” - Shaylayna

“Was that a knowledge [player guide] check?” - Andrew

“And we promise those mephits won't attack you yet.” - Azreil. “My instinct was not to revive you at all.” - Tara. “Go with your instinct!” - Azreil. Negotiations with Shemeya don't go well when Azreil speaks up.

“We need Maddwyn. He's an integral member of the party. We wouldn't have gotten into the tower without him. Will you take this Mephit in compensation.” - Tara trying to get Maddwyn back from Shemeya.

“I don't think any right minded person wants a Mephit running around.” - Andrew “Corollary, Shaylayna isn't a right minded person.” - Erik.

“Meanwhile Shaylayna's plan continues.” - Andrew “What plan?” - Erik “To get everyone else down a level, because she isn't getting up a level quick enough.” - Andrew

“We don't want to appear to chintzy. Do we want to give it the tiara.” - Azreil.

“Maybe they want a human sacrifice?” -?? “Well there is only one “human” in this group.” - Azreil.

“I'm going to let Tara do all the talking.” - Cameron. “We are the indispensable magical elite.” - Tara introducing the group to Hedra the sphinx. “When did we decide that?” - Azreil “You kept your promise of not talking for five seconds.” - Erik.

“I'm Neutral good. I'm better than you guys.” - Andrew. “Why do you say that.” - Azreil. “Because it said it was the best alignment in the book.” - Andrew.

“You complain that Erik never warns us. Well now he is telling us that there is something down here.” - Andrew “It might be friendly.” - Tara “Have we encountered anything friendly down here. Are you an eternal optimist.” - Andrew

“I look for my arrow. <roll> I found one.” - Tarafaniel. “Yeah, in my back.” - Andrew, after one of his mephits took an arrow.

“I don't care. I'm not in the lead.” - Shaylayna.

“We'll search the room.” - Cameron. “Or we'll meditate.” - Andrew. “Or we'll search the room.” - Cameron

“If you want to throw away coins, give them to the church. Throw away pebbles.” - Shaylayna

“What will you do once you're free?” -Shaylayna. “I will grant you a wish.” - Efreeti. “That's just idle bribery.” - Shaylayna.

“I will take it up with my order.” - Shaylayna, to the trapped efreeti. “See you in two years.” - Tara since there is only a short window of opportunity before the prison sinks under the sand. “I'll be sure to file the papers right away.” - Shaylayna.

“Why do you think the empire is evil?” — Erik. “Well, it is not a human empire, therefore it is evil.” — Cameron. “You're not human.” — Andrew

“I close my eyes and turn into a winged bear. Also known as a bat.” — Patrick

“Faint heart never won fair she-bear.” — Patrick

“Can I say I saw it coming and averted my eyes.” — Michael

“I think what save us was the locked door. Because we all said what spells we were going to cast to prepare, when Cameron said, "I open the door". And you said "It's locked."” — Andrew

“You take 2 wisdom drain. Not damage, drain.” — Erik. “We have spells for that now.” — Michael

“She could be charmed?” — Azreil. “No!” — Tara.

After Shaylayna has snuck away to free the trapped efreeti. “Any sign of Shaylayna?” — Patrick. “She can burn at this point.” — Tara. “You know they were related.” — Azreil “I know why she did it. She can burn.” — Tara

“I nod affably.” — Patrick. “Do you do anything not affably?” — Erik “Not this time of year.” — Patrick

“I nominate you, or you. As long as it is not me.” — Azreil

After dicing for the last piece of treasure. “Everyone has a chance, and no one gets cheated.” — Azreil. “Nice talk from the winner.” — Karamel

“Wake me up in the middle of fall? What do you think this is? You guys are going to die.” — Maddwyn, not appreciative of an undead attack at night.

“In winter I stagger around bleary eyed until I'm useful.” — Maddwyn

“We'll look tough as we're foraging for scorpions.” — Michael

“A flying tackle, in bear form, on a gnome.” — Cameron. “It's a beautiful thing.” — Patrick

“Maddwyn the bear. Only I can prevent house fires.” — Maddwyn

“We should ask if we can take the book,” — Maddwyn “Yes we should. Tara can you go ask.” — Azreil

“And what is a lovely person like you doing with such an ugly gentleman?” — Verlakki brother. “We're adventurers. This is how it ends up.” — Tara

“Usually you are called tomb raiders.” — Erik. “Hey! We've only raided one tomb. Okay two. Three. Four?” — Michael. <Tabulation follows> “That's not a tomb. That's a lair. Completely different.” — Cameron. “But you made it a tomb.” — Erik. “What's number one” — Cameron. “The last place” — Michael. “That was a city.” — Cameron. “There were tombs underneath.” — Michael. “Those were catacombs.” — Cameron. “How broad based are you defining tomb?” — Michael.

“They will push the explorers out of the way to get there first.” —Erik “Sort of like Walmart.” —Michael

“Are you channeling Azreil?” —Erik after someone proposes some stupid diplomacy.

“It seems to me you have enough desert to go around.” —Maddwyn

“What's the plan, oh wise...” —Cameron, then stops to check Tara's wisdom score.

“If you want to be a gladiator, I'm not going to stand in your way.” —Tara

“Take your time, we have a month for you to make up your mind where you are going.” —Hofaric

“We actually got over here because of some... <Points to Tarafaniel>I blame you!” —Azreil

“Not my type, I like them salty.” —Hofaric, concerning Tarafaniel

“I have the skill! I have the power! <Roll>2. No I don't.” —Cameron

“I'll stand by you, but if there's 50 of them, forget it.” —Hofaric

“And don't come back again! I'll see you in town!” —Hofaric yelling at the fleeing pirates

“I live here. I don't want to be seen with you guys.” —Hofaric after discussions on attacking a wizard's tower.

“What's the pecking order?” —Peter concerning marching order.

“What's your occupation?” —Guard in a town that just got attacked by pirates. “Adventurers.” —Tarafaniel. “Tomb Raiders.” —Azreil. “Pillagers.” —Hofaric.

“I want to see someone else fail the bluff rolls.” —Cameron after Peter is trying to bluff people.

“Let's poison the crew. We know where the galley is.” —Cameron concerning how to take out a ship full of enemies. “I love that plan. That's evil. How much poison do you have?” —Peter. “None.” —Cameron.

“A snowball to the face! It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye” —Maddwyn when someone is blinded by a cold spell.

“Don't say anything!” —Michael, while leaving to get pizza in the middle of negotiations.

“She's a fifteenth level sorceress. Nearly sixteenth. Killing you would put her over.” —Erik to Peter when Hofaric starts annoying Tarafaniel.

“Hey druid, can't you do something about this weather?” —Hofaric.

“Whole armies have been sent to be wiped out by it. Some of them have succeeded. It was definitely killed. Then a few months later it shows up again.” —Erik. “I think this guy was on Buffy” —Patrick.

“Is there a bear in my office?” —Bureaucrat. “No.” —Maddwyn after turning back into a human.

“I said I wasn't going to drink. I didn't say I wasn't going to party. And recreational drugs are another matter entirely.” —Hofaric.

“The artifact is the only thing in the bag of holding, and it's the only thing in there because it's ornery.” —Azreil.

“Hey we found that and hocked it to a guy in an alley.” —Maddwyn didn't say upon discovering that they had discovered the location of the missing crown jewels.

“What are the ski conditions?” —Tara to Maddwyn on his long range weather forecasts.

“In a valley of diamonds you are going to try and bribe the dragon?” —Erik to the party planning on avoiding a dragon by giving it back part of its hoard. “The sentimental value is huge.” —Cameron.

“I'm going to cast bear's wisdom on myself.” —Maddwyn

“So the world will end in eight years.” —Azreil. “Yeah, we should probably stop it."” —Maddwyn.

Second Gradallia Campaign

“Are you okay?” —Dr. Archibald. “I can't see what's going on!” —Karn. “Have a leech.” —Dr. Archibald.

“It's okay. I'm a doctor.” —Dr. Archibald.

“I say we tie the young whippersnapper to the rope and dangle him down yonder” —Dr. Archibald proposing a plan to save the baby of a hysterical mother.

“I fought a pony. Jared got credit.” —Travis.

“We're first level. We have to fight a rat.” —Michael.

“I'm evil. Julie is Chaotic teenage girl. You are a terrible ranger.” —Jared.

“The words "I have a plan" have a negative connotation at this table. It's mostly Cameron's fault.” —Michael.

“Am I drunk? Again?” —Julie.

“There is nothing evil about Murderous Command. It is a good Christian spell.” —Jared.

“Stop, you are being undead without a licence.” —Erik. “Please return to the nearest information centre and fill out an application.” —Sol.

“Teenagers go there to make out and get killed by monsters.” —Dr. Archibald.

“Aha. Teach you to be a child of two worlds!” —Dr. Archibald to a half-elf.

“A spot of trouble with some ghouls down by the harbour. After curfew too.” —Dr. Archibald.

“I don't care if you are hungry for living flesh. Get out of bed!” —A doctor to Sergeant Ricky.

“Team Lightning?” —Naffer Vosk. “I don't know. She's twelve.” —Ricky.

“If we're not back in one hour, just wait longer.” —Julie.

“Ricky thinks these ghouls are assholes.” —Jared.

“Squeeze yourself forward.” —Ricky. “Why? I'm not feeling well.” —Krusk.

“Why would there be pits down here?” —Dr. Archibald. “Maybe it's a sinkhole?” —Karn. “With Spikes? Curse you nature.” —Dr. Archibald.

“Ghoul's are yellow. Ghast are blue. That big fellow at the table wants to take a bite out of you.” —Dr. Archibald.

“Ah, fellow newb. Let's kick some ass.” —Allison to Sol.

“Stupid fantasy world with it's weird, poetic rules.” —Dr. Archibald.

“Beaten by a table. I hate being level two.” —Travis.

“I don't think we need to check for traps on our way back.” —Julie. “No. We already set them all off.” —Dr. Archibald

“You can't argue with the rules. It says so in the book.” —Allison.

“F**k you! It's our treasure! F**k you for the whole summer!” —Felicia.

“We successfully ran away from that encounter we started.” —Travis. “Go team lightning” —Jared.

“We could use more zazz” —Dr. Archibald “Doc!” —Ricky. “Are you saying we have sufficient zazz?” —Dr. Archibald

“You tanked it like a champ!” —Travis.

“They have probably written us off as dead. Let's make sure the new Team Lightning doesn't take our stuff.” —Dr. Archibald.

“Krusk is singing the Quiet Song!” —Krusk.

“Why do you guys always have a corpse?” —L'Roi.

“Our dear mister Lonjiku had an unfortunate glass smelting accident.” —Dr. Archibald.

“I volunteer Krusk as the test subject.” —Karn. “What the hell?” —Krusk. “You have the highest fortitude.” —Michael. “You're lucky you're a blind man.” —Krusk. Pause. “I'll take sip” —Sol. “Why did you do that?” —Allison.

“I have an animal companion now.” —Travis, upon befriending a rat with an extra eye. “Well, you are a bad ranger. ” —Michael.

“My jumping from the bridge was awesome. Nonsensical, but awesome.” —Jared.

“Let's take him in alive if possible. I don't think L'Roi is happy with all the corpses we keep bringing him.” —Dr. Archibald.

“You'll be happy to know we didn't bring any corpses this time.” —Dr. Archibald reporting to L'Roi. “We left them behind.” —Julie. “Many corpses of the common people” —Karn. “Stop talking!” —Dr. Archibald.

“Tell Jared to stay on the bridge.” —Michael. “I tell Jared a lot of things. It doesn't mean he listens.” —Travis.

“There are two goblins on top of the tower. They are arguing over whether you can play a five of hearts when one has already been played. Why don't you show them the names.” —Karn to Julie.

“Goblin musical theatre. I think it's a comedy. <beat> It's not very good.” —Karn after listening in on goblins.

“We got a plan, we stick with it. No matter how dumb it is.” —Dr. Archibald.

“We don't know if they are having rabbit knife fights.” —Dr. Archibald.

“This is gold! 40gp for a rabbit” —Karn, planning on selling rabbits for food in L'Trel. “God, you're evil.” —Julie.

While sneaking into the dungeon, Krusk bangs his knee on a chair. “This is the worst pain. Who put that there. Why didn't anyone tell me it was here. <Bangs fist against wall> Do you think anyone heard that.” —Krusk.

“If you hit her, she's going to get pissed off and come after us!” —Allison.

“I can't believe you died!” —Allison to Jared. “I can.” —Travis.

“Even though I was evil, I didn't really do anything evil.” —Jared. “A greater evil eclipsed you before your time.” —Travis.

“Oh look, a crazy person.” Beat “Another crazy person.” —Julie.

“Did you practice this in front of a mirror?” —Allison. “A little bit.” —Travis.

“It did kill two goblins. So it has done more than some of our recruits.” —Doctor Archibald on the horse.

“Guys, I can see in the dark now.” —Julie. “That is because you are piercing the dark tapestry and seeing the true world.” —Tim. “By the way, I noticed you have cat eyes now.” —Marcus. “I don't see how that is relevant.” —Tim.

“And that blind kid that stole credit.” —Doctor Archibald, venting. “Hey! Hey!” —Karn's ghost. “Doc can't hear Karn.” —Tim, smugly.

“Out fates are intertwined now.” —Tim. “Yeah, I need a drink now.” —Julie.

“So, are we going to find Karn's corpse?” —Krusk. “Might as well. It has good stuff on it.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Hold on, I'm getting something. Yes. Yes. Karn is telling me that it is customary for his people to throw the corpses of their fallen from the highest available ledge while unceremoniously giving it a single finger salute.” —Tim. “I'm from the same place Julie is.” —Karn's ghost.

“This is nice. It suits me. What do you think, Karn?” —Tim, while looting Karn's corpse of a cloak.

“I approve. I mean, Karn does.” —Tim on proper corpse disposal.

“We should throw Karn's corpse on to it.” —Tim on how to check for a trap.

“It's like Karn is with us in spirit. But this time in the flesh.” —Tim.

Concerning a goblin's jump over the fire. “There are many things wrong with this. I want to see the acrobatics check.” —Michael. The DM rolls the die in front of everyone. 20. “Well that blew up in my face.” —Michael.

“Feel the healing touch of the dark tentacles.” —Tim, about to heal Julie. “Are you raping her?” —Karn's ghost. “I wouldn't expect you to understand. Even the slightest knowledge of the dark tapestry would drive you mad.” —Tim. Karn vents. “Can't hear you. Healing.” —Tim. Beat. “I don't think he understands either. No! She's 16!” —Tim. “What the hell?” —Karn's ghost. “You're not the only one haunting me!” —Tim.

“Epic fails are still epic.” —Travis.

Tim is performing a sermon. “You are a blight. You are a blight. You are okay. Everyone, special!” —Tim pointing to crowd members.

“Do you have a weapon>” —Erik. “A morning star.” —Sol. “Maybe I should take that one away.” —Erik. “I got another one a**hole” Beat “We can do this all day.” —Sol.

“Hand me the healing shiv.” —Tim, if he ever tried to do a heal skill check.

“I want to smell him.” —Krusk thinking out loud while staring into space. “Okay, you be bad cop.” —Doctor Archibald.

“I don't think you deserve a charisma of 18.” —Travis.

“I ask you to respect my life choices.” —Tim, while disguised as a woman. “No judgement.” —Krusk.

Upon hearing about talking bears claiming to be prostitutes. “Where do they take their clients? Into their den?” —Julie, thinking out loud. “Why is this so confusing? This happens to me all the time.” —Tim.

“Hello there, ursine bandits of questionable life decisions.” —Doctor Archibald to the talking bears.

“Did someone steal your lunch when you were a kid?” —Sol. “Was it a bear?” —Erik.

“Oh, Travis, are we going to do this again.” —Michael after Travis once again rolls terribly. “That more slid than rolled” —Travis.

After intimidating a prisoner into spilling his guts.“Still got it.” —Krusk.

“That sounds like a bad idea.” —Doctor Archibald. “Has that ever stopped us before?” —Julie.

“She can see bad opportunities better now.” —Travis.

“I think it's an improvement. How do you feel?” —Edain. “I have a tail!” —Julie. “I'm not looking forward to the paperwork involved in this.” —Dr. Archibald. “Isn't her brother a high-ranking officer?” —Marcus. “Yes.” —Dr. Archibald. “I'm glad I'm not the boss.” —Marcus.

“Move along shorty.” —Dr. Archibald to Krusk.

“Don't roll c**p like I do.” —Travis. Jared promptly rolls a three. “Shut up!” —Jared.

“I can move.” —Jared. “Shut up. I'm doing this to save my life.” —Travis.

“We should chase him.” —Dynith. “Have a glass of water and think about it.” —Julie.

“I've been dead. There's this guy. <beat> You don't want to be dead.” —Marcus.

“Once again you bring me a corpse.” —Tarran. “We prefer to call them results.” —Dr. Archibald.

“Since you came back, that's all we hear. 'Oh, I was dead.'” —Dr. Archibald.

“Do you hear fiddle music?” —Marcus. “All the time. Right Karn? <beat> He's sleeping.” —Tim.

“We're going to the clock tower tomorrow.” —Krusk. “You don't need to go there to tell the time.” —Dr. Archibald.

“I don't know. I think I'm going to fail my constitution check and pass out.” —Marcus right before he passes out. “It's like he called it.” —Dr. Archibald.

“Do you want to collapse the building and leave?” —Dynith.

“Julie, come back down!” —Dr. Archibald. “Stupid Cat.” —Dynith.

“Nothing to see here. Just routine bell testing. It wasn't up to code. We are going to ask people to stay away from the bell tower for a undisclosed period of time. This tower is a hazard for anyone who enters it.” —Dr. Archibald.

“Did you have anything to do with this?” —Tarran. “We were involved.” —Julie.

“If anyone comes and looks for us, there's a giant snake monster on the roof. It's invisible. No really.” —Dr. Archibald.

“A penny saved is a disease earned.” —Dr. Archibald.

“I'm having a tonne of fun. It's called trying to make you follow the F-ing rules!” —Marcus.

“How do I want to kill you today?” —Erik. “I love you too.” —Allison.

“You're tagged for three rounds of something. I don't know which” —Michael. “Ah yes, uselessness.” —Jared.

“Oh oh. Just for a change. I think the captain might enjoy a living body.” —Marcus.

“Don't make me get my angry stick out.” —Dynith.

“Maybe we can use some crackpot story?” —Travis. “You guys are great at crackpot stories.” —Erik. “We have the crackpot here.” —Michael.

“You push some sick people aside to go in the front door…” —Erik. “Krusk did it!” —Travis.

“Would you have preferred to maintain this charade for longer?” —Erik. “How are we going to explain all these bodies.” —Travis.

“And a patient dies. Because Tim dodged.” —Erik. “I guess it was meant to be” —Tim.

“We're not taking any more patients now.” —Dr. Archibald, to reception after killing all the doctors.

“16 rounds of just wasting somebody's time.” —Travis.

“Krusk on Kavaki action.” —Jared. “I don't know what to say.” —Sol. “Sounds like bad fanfic.” —Travis.

“We've only lost one character to this tactic before. But he's with us in spirit.” —Tim.

“I want to be level 6!” —Krusk battle cry.

“This potion was as watered down as this Coke” —Michael.

“Don't start rolling the new character yet. This could be a TPK. Think positive.” —Michael.

“All you do is drink!” —Dynith about all the healing potions being drunk.

“How do I describe this...” —Erik about a monster. “'The thing that killed Tim.'” —Michael.

“I don't often give you you good advice, Tim, but this time I'll make an exception. I really think you should run.” —Karn.

“Should we run? I feel like I'm leaving my friends for dead.” —Allison. “You should!” —Jared.

“Can't the dark tapestry save us?” —Dynith. “It's busy in the other room.” —Tim.

“Holy S**t! We survived. No one died. Except Marcus.” —Dynith.

“You don't understand. You can't see the dark tapestry” —Tim to Karn's ghost. “But I'm dead. I can totally see the tapestry. It's right there. Marcus sees it too. He agrees with me. It's two against one.” —Karn.

“Krusk, you get Marcus's body. And knock down the wall.” —Dr. Archibald. “With the body?” —Krusk.

“Yeah, I'm definitely scouting. <Beat> Julie, you go take a look.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Hello, I'm Doctor Archibald, leader of Team Lightning. These are my compatriots. And Tim.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Oh yeah, we're not the proper authorities anymore.” —Julie.

“If you need someone you want to order around, we have Tim.” —Doctor Archibald.

“And these are the animated corpses of the dumb couple” —Erik. “Are they still stupid? That would be really useful right now.” —Michael.

“Who would sleep with an orc?” —Steph. “Who wouldn't sleep with an orc?” —Sol.

“Heathen turtle! Why must you hate me so?” —Tim.

“This inn is not trying to eat me. We're good here.” —Julie.

“You know that dangerous pathway that people were telling us not to go on. There's a reason for that.” —Julie.

“In a land full of swords, the person with another sword is not so special.” —Krusk after getting involved in a political discussion.

“She's casting guilt trip” —Doctor Archibald, commenting on Circe's eulogy.

“How do I know I can trust you? Marcus, second opinion.” —Tim to Karn's ghost.

“Is this the land of Gods? I don't want to get your hopes up, but yes.” —Circe to a primitive person from the distant past.

“I don't want mythic. <Beat> Don't quiver your chin at me.” —Jared to Allison.

“If she gets stealth, I'm calling shenanigans.” —Travis.

“I can make her loath me. I think that's natural.” —Circe, about Mammy.

“Oh god. I can't see anything. Snapper, where am I going?” —Circe to her turtle.

“I found out that even digital dice hate me in combat.” —Travis.

“You're not the heaviest person here ” —Doctor Archibald. “I'm sorry. I watch my figure.” —Circe.

Fortune. Because you roll like s**t ” —Jared deciding what to cast on Travis.

“This is how you use an Ogre Hook! Although I am very impressed with your technique.” —Doctor Archibald.

“It's just that I'm right a whole heck of a lot.” —Circe. “And you're so humble about it.” —Doctor Archibald.

“We should get a bunch of wands of cure light wounds. And then inbetween combat we can shoot up with wands” —Travis.

“I'm good at buffing. Your websites buffering thanks to me.” —Jared.

“Circe hit you, with all the ferocity of a warm summer breeze.” —Travis.

“How do you use your brain like that?” —Julie. “Fight enough ponies and you can do anything.” —Doctor Archibald.

“We fought a giant monster from beyond space and time. Thankfully, it got bored.” —Travis.

“I have a clear shot; aside from the cover.” —Travis.

“Just because it's a devil doesn't mean it's evil. Let's not be racist.” —Circe.

“That's why he kept calling it a bridge. There was a troll underneath it.” —Travis on why we kept calling a dam a bridge.

“He needs to rebuild his life. He's going to be eaten by a sea monster some day.” —Doctor Archibald.

“If I go into the wood and whisper something into a tree, will you hear it?” —Circe after dealing with rangers. “Yes.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Yes, this was a Circe-initiative.” —Doctor Archibald.

“[Bring back] the lover, or his corpse. And if there is one thing we're good at...” —Julie describing the mission.

“We're approaching the climax of the adventure. Where it is traditional for Jared to die.” —Erik.

“Oh geez, whatever. I'm just manipulating the fabric of space and time.” —Dynith.

“Did she look invisible when you saw her?” —Doctor Archibald.

“If you die, you can become a caster. If you die, you can become a melee. If I die, it's nothing new.” —Jared, talking to Travis and Allyson.

“We're heroes who want a payday, but we're still heroes.” —Travis.

“My character build is to do no damage.” —Jared. “You do a lot of damage. It's mostly emotional.” —Travis.

“Only one way to find out. Krusk, kill them all.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Team Ligtning it a renowned corpse delivery service.” —Julie. “One corpse in twenty days or less or your money back.” —Doctor Archibald.

“It doesn't get rolled much, so it doesn't know what to do.” —Travis, after Allison borrows a d4 which rolls low.

“These people made one fatal mistake. Being human.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Elves live in trees when they are this small. And make cookies.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Eventually something won't attack us.” —Julie. “It won't be today.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Let's do haste. If we're going to run into walls, we might as well be faster.” —Michael.

“What does the Libre Blaspheme do?” —Jared. “It lets you ressurect a loved one as an undead horror that wipes out an entire village.” —Erik. “Oh that. I've been using it as a coaster.” —Travis.

“We've got to meet the dead Jared quota for this game.” —Travis.

“I know what you are thinking. Should we attack them? The answer may surprise you.” —Doctor Archibald.

He takes four points of damage.” —Erik. “Let's not be sexist. It's probably a 'splee'” —Travis.

“There's a reasonable chance she won't make it there.” —Julie. “True, she could stop at an Inn.” —Doctor Archibald.

“I need to buy [stuff]” —Travis. “Come to my shop.” —Jared. “Can I get a discount?” —Travis. “No” —Jared.

“Who throws a rock? What are you six?” —Dr. Archibald.

“You killed Ember. A bear just trying to make it in a giant's world.” —Erik.

“Honestly, that's what I think Jared would do.” —Michael, about Circe charging ahead. “You're not wrong.” —Travis.

“As long as Mokmurian is a CR 12, we'll be fine. If he's CR 3, we're screwed.” —Travis.

“Julie's greatest nemesis, angry tunnel guy.” —Travis.

“We kinda have to bring him.” —Dynith. “Is the leader of the group a burden to you?” —Doctor Archibald.

“Ranger! Shares the first two letters of "Racist".” —Travis.

“I've been touched by the dark tapestry.” —Dynith. “Has it touched you inappropriately?” —Doctor Archibald. “Please show up on the model.” —Circe.

“Geez Michael, how many of these things are you going to get eaten by?” —Travis.

“I don't know why you are upset. This is pretty funny.” —Doctor Archibald to Julie, who just got attacked by Dynith instead of the evil duplicate.

“How many giant peacocks do you see?” —Dynith. “I see lots of things you don't typically see.” —Doctor Archibald.

“This is how it goes: Julie does something; we follow her advice; Circe ignores her advice; we do what Circe suggests.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Nualia has gotten away from us four times. The next time… she won’t.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Do you remember that pit fiend?” —Doctor Archibald. “That guy wasn't bad.” —Dynith. “Yes he was!” —Doctor Archibald.

“What does everyone think? Michael, you’re everyone. What do you think.” —Travis, when Michael is the only other player, running three characters.

“The first hit is enough to kill him” —Erik. “Stop. He’s already dead” —Travis.

“I just don’t see the point. You got this.” —Dynith, on deciding to do nothing during combat. “Nice hustle there Dynith” —Doctor Archibald.

“It goes as well as my Diplomacy usually does.” —Cameron.

“I’m not one to fight idiots. I mean it happens a lot.” —Doctor Archibald.

“A vague plan is our specialty. It means things can only go vaguely wrong.” —Doctor Archibald.

“Is it wrong that I think that the Horror Beast is adorable?” —Dynith.

“You can survive one more squashing.” —Travis.

“I am no longer pinned. It was fun at first, but now he’s just a mean person.” —Dynith.

“How do you feel about doing one more murder before we go?” —Travis.

“I am so great. There is no way I’m receiving an arrow through the the eye in the near future.” —Travis about what Karzoug is thinking.

“We have to fight sexy giants? I’m not sure I’m prepared for that.” —Travis.

“And I roll a 2!? Every d’@@ time” —Cameron when rolling for HP. “Might as well be a wizard then.” —Travis.

“I have reflex save in spades. And evasion. And improved evasion. It’s like I’m not even here. Except for this next part.” —Travis after being subjected to a fireball, and about to attack.

“Long forgotten hours from a distant age are now 'clogging up things'.” —Erik.

“Maybe we should sell it. That’s what a magic weapon of that caliber deserves.” —Travis, upon recovering intelligent artifact sword.